My Wonderful Husband

Last night, that silly man stayed up till 5 am researching baby things and making a list of what to get. He said very sleepily to me this morning:

I already did all the research, and I made a list of all the good things to get.

I love this man.

Why Always The Villains?

Context: we just watched The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug.

Ivan muttering to himself: "Smaug Wong and Sauron Wong..."

A Very Special Christmas

On a whim, to reassure Ivan that he was overreacting and everything was fine, I decided to pee on a stick and it very quickly came up positive.

I had a whole bunch of reactions written down, but Ivan and I are ultimately overcome with joy. We are both so happy about it, and so are our families, although somehow everyone seemed to expect it and very few were surprised by the news. Sometimes, I don't give my mother enough credit for how much she seems to know me.

Everyone needs to prepare, make room in their hearts for one more.

Baby September. Daddy and I can't wait to meet you. <3

Days and Days

We had a really wonderful day today. Woke up in the morning, cleaned the kitchen, made coffee for Ivan, parfait for tonight's dessert, and Ivan made the roast for dinner. Then we made our way to the dog park where we had a nice walk around with a huge pack of dogs. Louie was so sweet, he actually played with some other dogs today. Feels kinda special when you see your dog interacting well with others. After that we head straight to Ikea to pick up some photo frames, a clock, and some extras, while our big boy waited patiently in the car. I've just finished the potato and leek soup - it's on the stove and it smells HEAVENLY. Sometimes, the little, non-adventurous days are the ones that refuel you for the week. Plus, the weather today was just HEAVENLY. 6 degrees, and SUNNY!! Looking forward to dinner with Stephanie and Ryan.

Check In

It has been 2 months and 9 days since we were married, and it's starting to feel really exhausting. Remember how it felt to have a school project and have a completely defunct team, and to have to complete and submit the whole project on your own? That's how this marriage feels sometimes. It's exhausting having to always cater to somebody else without receiving what you need in return. It's tough when you do your best to keep things neat, organized and on the go, and the other person is unconsciously leaving things where they shouldn't be, making messes they don't clean up, and generally expecting you to do the clean up, consciously or not.

The point is that it shouldn't be tough. I shouldn't feel that my husband does not conscientiously do things to make me happy, keep me sane, or help me out. Perhaps I'm really tired of feeling that he's starkly unreliable. I have no sense of security, or comfort, and most times when he's "trying" it feels so insincere and forced, and usually for the wrong reasons. I can't seem to rely on him to get anything done. There is always some other distraction.

I. Am. Tired.

Pray for a better tomorrow. Pray that he'll read the books he's promised to read a year ago, that I actually start to become important, that what makes me happy actually floats to the forefront of his mind.

Pray for my temper, pray for my sanity, pray for my patience to be as wide as the span of the sky.

Certainly Ivan is good man, but surely being married is so much more than just "being a good guy". It's being a team player too. Right now I feel overburdened with the loads of two. Life was certainly simpler and in comparison to the now, happier, when I was a single lady.

I wish I had this "problem".

This isn't skyrim...

Ivan, half asleep this morning: "I bought the last potions for you".